Ive known that eventually, one of my kids would begin talking and asking about adoption. We have been very open since day one, and its not like its a NEW concept to them. There is a difference though between knowing that they were adopted, and knowing ABOUT adoption.
Gina seems to have decided, for now at least, that its just how it is, and thats that. She knows she is adopted. She knows her birth mom, and birth brothers. And life just goes on.
Chris has decided now, that he is a bit confused about "adoption". Out of the blue today, he just said, in a sad voice, "I wish I wasnt adopted", and ran off. He was then quite agitated, and I knew that in the state of mind he was in, it wasnt going to help to talk about it. All I could do was hug him, and whisper that I love him, and am so very thankful that we have him in our lives. He yelled and screamed (which is something we go through with him once in a while, over whatever he feels is upsetting him at the moment) and one of the things he yelled was "I wish I didnt live her anymore". Again, all I could do was hug him, and whisper how much I loved him, and how happy I am that he DOES live here.
Of course, my heart was BREAKING at the time. Many things kept going through my mind. "am I just not a good mom?" "he's only SIX! What is he going to be like when he is a teenager?" "does he even understand what he is saying?" "could I have done better?" .. etc.
All of a sudden, he calmed down, and changed the subject lickity split. That seemed to be that. I didn't press, and didn't bring it up again. We went on about our daily business like nothing happened .... but it DID happen. it was on my mind all evening.
A few hours later, we were watching a show as a family. Chris decided to leave the room, and we didnt really think anything of it, because he does that. He came in a few moments later, and handed me a note. He had written, all by himself, a letter to me. the gist of the letter, was this: "Mommy, I love you very much and I want to stay here for ever and ever and ever. I am happy I am here".
With tears running down my cheeks, I put the letter down, and grabbed Chris, and gave him a gentle hug. This is a note I will keep forever! So that I can read it often . . especially when he has moments like this afternoon, which I know will happen again in the years to come.
All we can do is take everything one day at a time. I have no idea WHAT is going through my kids' minds, and how and what they actually understand, regarding the way our family is created. But, if I take it one day at a time, I might be able to help them sort through all of the complex emotions that can come along with the word ...... ADOPTION.
You know Jen, as a mother, anytime our children say something like that, be it they are adopted or not, it cuts to the core. In Chris's case I would chalk it up to insecurities and not understanding why his blood parents would give him to someone else. I have watched someone I love go through little things like this and she is now a teenager. Her father gave her up for adoption to her mother's new husband. Plus as a child not living with both parents, I can in some small way relate to the insecurity of it all. Don't ever doubt who you are as a mother. Everyone can see how much you love all your children and that is the most important thing, that you love them. One day when he is older you will be able to talk to him on a level he can understand. Right now he is just a little boy who is confused and at times will show it. However, as he has shown with his letter, he is smart enough to know you, his mommy, loves him very much and he does not want to lose you.
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