Well .. quite a lot has happened lately, and I just need somewhere to go and talk. I have said a few things on facebook, but I honestly don't want to sound like I am whining and complaining all the time, ya know?
So, let me just let it out.
My wonderful, loving, strong, admirable father in law, has been fighting cancer for a few years now. we had a few scares late last year, which put Tom and I in the feeling to go to CA and visit, in October AND November. Well, here we are in January, and we are having to plan a trip, just me and Tom, to CA to have an official "good bye" visit with dad. His cancer is back again, and has been moving quickly through his brain... and the doctors are now feeling there is nothing left that they can do to stop it.
Next....
My beautiful, loving, wonderful big sister K was diagnosed last year with a very rare form of breast cancer, which is treatment resistant. She started her chemotherapy the first week of this month, and as of this week, has already lost enough hair that it was best just to shave the rest. She has to go through months of this Chemo ... oh, and did you know that Chemo comes in MANY different forms and strengths? I did not know that before now .. and K has to have a VERY strong strength.
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Another of my beautiful, loving and wonderful big sisters, C, has been dealing with some major health issues the past 6 months or so .. and in the past 3 weeks, it has been so bad that she has been in the hospital most of the past 3 weeks ... and last week Friday she was transferred by helicopter to a better hospital and has been in ICU since. They have had to use many machines to help her ... and they just did a bone marrow biopsy, because they fear that she may have cancer again .. yes, that was "again".
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Gracie has had to be more dependent on her gtube lately, as she has been having more days again where she chooses not to take enough orally. Especially liquid. For those who have never dealt with a baby or child with a g tube, remember, they don't put the tube in without reason. she is not just a "picky" eater .. she is not just a child that 'will eat when she is hungry' .. because no, she DOESN'T. I can't force her, because then, that backfires and she regresses even more.... so we try, we offer, we try again... and if she chooses not to, we have to use the tube. this is WHY she has the tube. but, I sure wish she didn't NEED the tube.
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Maya has had headaches, which we suspect are migraines, 3 or 4 times a week for the past couple of months. She JUST turned 5, so I can't exactly ask exactly what she is experiencing during each headache, because she might not realize that this situation or that is related, so won't tell me. Over the past month we have discovered that they are mostly on the left side, sometimes directly on the top... her eyes are sometimes 'fuzzy' during the headaches, sometimes not ... sometimes her left eye HURTS during the headaches ... she told us this morning while eating breakfast she feels like she is going to throw up, and it happened to be a few minutes after she told me she had another headache ... I asked if that throw up feeling happens often, and she shook her head yes, when she has headaches, which is why she doesn't like to eat sometimes. So we have an MRI scheduled for Feb 9, and an ophthalmology appointment scheduled for mid April. I am keeping a record of her headaches and symptoms.
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Well, after fighting with school for a few years with Gina, we are FINALLY in agreement that her ADD symptoms are enough to be effecting her school. (I have thought so for some time now!) so we are filling out paperwork, as well as the school, and we will FINALLY be working with Gina's doctor about looking at medication. We have tried for a few years to deal with her ADD without medicating, and now, we feel that is the next option. We see hope in the future here!!!
Next ....
Nikolas is a hyper toddler boy who loves to bite and yell and scream. the only thing on the extreme here is the biting, so I guess I can't complain TOO much but sheesh! how do you teach a non verbal 2 year old not to bite? and trust me, I have been trying for a few months now!
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Christopher is a sweet loving wonderful helpful student at school! he has always done nothing but GREAT things at school! I am SO PROUD of him for that!!!!! but when he gets home, it allllll gets let go. I would rather have it this way, don't get me wrong. but sigh, I would LOVE to see the loving boy from school more often at HOME. he has a very hard time with his emotions... and its so hard, as a mother, to not feel like a failure as a mom, because he can act like an angel for everyone else! but at home its a different story. no, he is not a devil child. yes, he IS a sweetheart at home too ... but he has a lot of troubles with controlling his emotions at times at home ... much more often than we can say is 'normal age behavior'. so we are working on setting things up with a therapist to learn how to work with this situation at home. we are also working with Chris to help him realize that no matter WHAT, even if he acts 'off the norm' .. that we LOVE HIM REGARDLESS.
so thats a LOT going on right now with one family, right? there HAS to be SOME blessings in there SOMEWHERE, RIGHT? well, yes, there ARE.
1. I have faith that when we leave this life, that there IS life beyond this life. I KNOW in my heart that when we do say goodbye to our loved ones, that it is just a temporary goodbye and that we WILL see them once more. that they will no longer be trapped in hurting bodies. yes, I sure hope we do not have to say goodbye for a VERY VERY LONG TIME ... but when we DO ... it will not be for forever.
2. My kids have great doctors, who know what they are doing. they are taking care of them and helping them with their health problems. yes, sometimes it stinks having to go through it, but since we DO have to, we sure are lucky to have a great medical team to work with!!!!!!!!
3. I HAVE a GREAT FOREVER FAMILY! we may be facing a LOT of difficulties right now, but I KNOW the the Lord will NOT place things in our path that we can NOT handle. He LOVE me, and He is with me the whole time!
so yeah... if you feel that I am complaining or whining, then so be it. there honestly is a LOT going on right now, and I just can't sit in it and not talk it out. that is NOT how "I" can get through all of this. But as I said, I am trying to dig deep and find blessings in this. because there will always be a blessing in something, if you look enough for it. the Lord WILL bless us! PERIOD! and I have to have enough faith that this is true. or else, how can anyone get through something like this?
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