Well .. quite a lot has happened lately, and I just need somewhere to go and talk. I have said a few things on facebook, but I honestly don't want to sound like I am whining and complaining all the time, ya know?
So, let me just let it out.
My wonderful, loving, strong, admirable father in law, has been fighting cancer for a few years now. we had a few scares late last year, which put Tom and I in the feeling to go to CA and visit, in October AND November. Well, here we are in January, and we are having to plan a trip, just me and Tom, to CA to have an official "good bye" visit with dad. His cancer is back again, and has been moving quickly through his brain... and the doctors are now feeling there is nothing left that they can do to stop it.
Next....
My beautiful, loving, wonderful big sister K was diagnosed last year with a very rare form of breast cancer, which is treatment resistant. She started her chemotherapy the first week of this month, and as of this week, has already lost enough hair that it was best just to shave the rest. She has to go through months of this Chemo ... oh, and did you know that Chemo comes in MANY different forms and strengths? I did not know that before now .. and K has to have a VERY strong strength.
Next....
Another of my beautiful, loving and wonderful big sisters, C, has been dealing with some major health issues the past 6 months or so .. and in the past 3 weeks, it has been so bad that she has been in the hospital most of the past 3 weeks ... and last week Friday she was transferred by helicopter to a better hospital and has been in ICU since. They have had to use many machines to help her ... and they just did a bone marrow biopsy, because they fear that she may have cancer again .. yes, that was "again".
Next....
Gracie has had to be more dependent on her gtube lately, as she has been having more days again where she chooses not to take enough orally. Especially liquid. For those who have never dealt with a baby or child with a g tube, remember, they don't put the tube in without reason. she is not just a "picky" eater .. she is not just a child that 'will eat when she is hungry' .. because no, she DOESN'T. I can't force her, because then, that backfires and she regresses even more.... so we try, we offer, we try again... and if she chooses not to, we have to use the tube. this is WHY she has the tube. but, I sure wish she didn't NEED the tube.
Next....
Maya has had headaches, which we suspect are migraines, 3 or 4 times a week for the past couple of months. She JUST turned 5, so I can't exactly ask exactly what she is experiencing during each headache, because she might not realize that this situation or that is related, so won't tell me. Over the past month we have discovered that they are mostly on the left side, sometimes directly on the top... her eyes are sometimes 'fuzzy' during the headaches, sometimes not ... sometimes her left eye HURTS during the headaches ... she told us this morning while eating breakfast she feels like she is going to throw up, and it happened to be a few minutes after she told me she had another headache ... I asked if that throw up feeling happens often, and she shook her head yes, when she has headaches, which is why she doesn't like to eat sometimes. So we have an MRI scheduled for Feb 9, and an ophthalmology appointment scheduled for mid April. I am keeping a record of her headaches and symptoms.
Next....
Well, after fighting with school for a few years with Gina, we are FINALLY in agreement that her ADD symptoms are enough to be effecting her school. (I have thought so for some time now!) so we are filling out paperwork, as well as the school, and we will FINALLY be working with Gina's doctor about looking at medication. We have tried for a few years to deal with her ADD without medicating, and now, we feel that is the next option. We see hope in the future here!!!
Next ....
Nikolas is a hyper toddler boy who loves to bite and yell and scream. the only thing on the extreme here is the biting, so I guess I can't complain TOO much but sheesh! how do you teach a non verbal 2 year old not to bite? and trust me, I have been trying for a few months now!
Next....
Christopher is a sweet loving wonderful helpful student at school! he has always done nothing but GREAT things at school! I am SO PROUD of him for that!!!!! but when he gets home, it allllll gets let go. I would rather have it this way, don't get me wrong. but sigh, I would LOVE to see the loving boy from school more often at HOME. he has a very hard time with his emotions... and its so hard, as a mother, to not feel like a failure as a mom, because he can act like an angel for everyone else! but at home its a different story. no, he is not a devil child. yes, he IS a sweetheart at home too ... but he has a lot of troubles with controlling his emotions at times at home ... much more often than we can say is 'normal age behavior'. so we are working on setting things up with a therapist to learn how to work with this situation at home. we are also working with Chris to help him realize that no matter WHAT, even if he acts 'off the norm' .. that we LOVE HIM REGARDLESS.
so thats a LOT going on right now with one family, right? there HAS to be SOME blessings in there SOMEWHERE, RIGHT? well, yes, there ARE.
1. I have faith that when we leave this life, that there IS life beyond this life. I KNOW in my heart that when we do say goodbye to our loved ones, that it is just a temporary goodbye and that we WILL see them once more. that they will no longer be trapped in hurting bodies. yes, I sure hope we do not have to say goodbye for a VERY VERY LONG TIME ... but when we DO ... it will not be for forever.
2. My kids have great doctors, who know what they are doing. they are taking care of them and helping them with their health problems. yes, sometimes it stinks having to go through it, but since we DO have to, we sure are lucky to have a great medical team to work with!!!!!!!!
3. I HAVE a GREAT FOREVER FAMILY! we may be facing a LOT of difficulties right now, but I KNOW the the Lord will NOT place things in our path that we can NOT handle. He LOVE me, and He is with me the whole time!
so yeah... if you feel that I am complaining or whining, then so be it. there honestly is a LOT going on right now, and I just can't sit in it and not talk it out. that is NOT how "I" can get through all of this. But as I said, I am trying to dig deep and find blessings in this. because there will always be a blessing in something, if you look enough for it. the Lord WILL bless us! PERIOD! and I have to have enough faith that this is true. or else, how can anyone get through something like this?
18.7.11
Well, here we are again ..
I am one week into another 8 week challenge, and I guess its about time to type things up here. Ive been using my paper journal so far, but, alas, I didn't feel like cramping my hand today ;) its interesting how lazy we as a people are now when it comes to writing. I CAN'T be the only one who prefers to TYPE things,, than to laboriously hand write pages of information.....
But I digress ...
We are now 3 weeks away as of today, from finalizing Maya and Gracie's adoptions. I am so thrilled I can't even tell you! We have had to say goodbye to EIGHT children .. some of them we knew were only short term in our care, while others were longer term, but that doesn't take away the fact that we cared for them,, fell in love with them (how can you NOT fall in love with a child?) and had to say goodbye to them. We had a few though that were "supposed" to stay in our family forever, and yet, things happened, and we had to say goodbye to them as well. But now, here we are ... 3 weeks away from REALLY, and TRULY finalizing the adoptions of two of our beautiful daughters. and there is nothing but three weeks that will stand in the way of this event.
Nikolas is now officially legally free for adoption, as of 7/13 ... and his case worker is working fast to get his case transferred to the adoption agency. Once his case is transferred, within the next couple of weeks, we can then get things ready to finalize HIS adoption. This means, within the next couple of months, our family will FINALLY "OFFICIALLY" be complete! No more case workers, no more lawyers, no more judges... NONE of that... just a NORMAL FOREVER FAMILY!
In the 13 years we have been married, 12 of them have been spent working to this moment. we spent years dealing with infertility and the pains therein, and then years of dealing with the foster care system (and the pains THEREIN) ... after 12 years, we are finally going to be able to just BE A FAMILY!!! OUR OWN FAMILY!
I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and it is oh so beautiful!
But I digress ...
We are now 3 weeks away as of today, from finalizing Maya and Gracie's adoptions. I am so thrilled I can't even tell you! We have had to say goodbye to EIGHT children .. some of them we knew were only short term in our care, while others were longer term, but that doesn't take away the fact that we cared for them,, fell in love with them (how can you NOT fall in love with a child?) and had to say goodbye to them. We had a few though that were "supposed" to stay in our family forever, and yet, things happened, and we had to say goodbye to them as well. But now, here we are ... 3 weeks away from REALLY, and TRULY finalizing the adoptions of two of our beautiful daughters. and there is nothing but three weeks that will stand in the way of this event.
Nikolas is now officially legally free for adoption, as of 7/13 ... and his case worker is working fast to get his case transferred to the adoption agency. Once his case is transferred, within the next couple of weeks, we can then get things ready to finalize HIS adoption. This means, within the next couple of months, our family will FINALLY "OFFICIALLY" be complete! No more case workers, no more lawyers, no more judges... NONE of that... just a NORMAL FOREVER FAMILY!
In the 13 years we have been married, 12 of them have been spent working to this moment. we spent years dealing with infertility and the pains therein, and then years of dealing with the foster care system (and the pains THEREIN) ... after 12 years, we are finally going to be able to just BE A FAMILY!!! OUR OWN FAMILY!
I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and it is oh so beautiful!
7.1.11
Solitude
I was wondering what to type about tonight ... closed my eyes, and all of a sudden I was able to picture something that happened when I was a young women.
When I was at girls camp, when I was about 15 years old, we had a planned moment of solitude. We were camping in a beautiful pine forest in CA. We were asked to take our scriptures, and go out (not TOO FAR, dont get LOST now LOL) into a private part of the woods ... where it is quiet, peaceful, and secluded.
Then we were to sit down on the forest floor, and spend that time as we see fit ... scriptures in hand ... in nature ... alone.
Let me tell you, it was, even to this day, one of the most beautiful memories I have! I can close my eyes and actually see the spot in my minds eye. smell the beautiful scent of the pine forest. hear the birds, and small animals as they wander the forest heights! It was SO peaceful! So serene! so ... close to my Father in Heaven.
I haven't done this (solitude in nature) in a VERY long time. I need to. its NOT easy to have solitude at the moment LOL busy mom of 5 and all that jazz ... but, (sigh) ... I think its that time again .. because I KNOW I will be a better wife, mother, and friend .... if I can be better for myself.
When I was at girls camp, when I was about 15 years old, we had a planned moment of solitude. We were camping in a beautiful pine forest in CA. We were asked to take our scriptures, and go out (not TOO FAR, dont get LOST now LOL) into a private part of the woods ... where it is quiet, peaceful, and secluded.
Then we were to sit down on the forest floor, and spend that time as we see fit ... scriptures in hand ... in nature ... alone.
Let me tell you, it was, even to this day, one of the most beautiful memories I have! I can close my eyes and actually see the spot in my minds eye. smell the beautiful scent of the pine forest. hear the birds, and small animals as they wander the forest heights! It was SO peaceful! So serene! so ... close to my Father in Heaven.
I haven't done this (solitude in nature) in a VERY long time. I need to. its NOT easy to have solitude at the moment LOL busy mom of 5 and all that jazz ... but, (sigh) ... I think its that time again .. because I KNOW I will be a better wife, mother, and friend .... if I can be better for myself.
6.1.11
"but Im telling the TRUTH this time!"
So, Gina is going through the wonderful phase of lying. AND, she gets SO UPSET if anyone doesnt believe her.
I have mentioned quite a few times that she needs to tell the truth more often, for us to believe her more often. And when I catch her in a lie, she sobs, "how come NO one EVER believes me, even when I TRY to tell the truth!"
Well, I was able to give her a great, BIG example tonight.
While I was helping Chris with his homework, I asked Gina to pour a bowl of cereal for Maya. A few minutes later, Maya came into the room and said that Gina still had not poured the bowl. I asked Gina and she said "Yes, I made her the cereal in the BLUE bowl that is in the sink! she already ate it all!" (which by the way, could NOT have happened because Maya happens to be one of the slowest eaters ever LOL) ... Maya shook her head and said "no mommy, she did NOT give me cereal." Gina yet again said "YES, I DID Maya!"
I looked at Gina, and asked her flat out, "did you, or did you NOT make a bowl of cereal for Maya?" she looked at me and said "but mommy, why dont you believe me?!?! Im telling the truth all the time now!"
I went to the sink, and yes, there IS a blue bowl there ... was it fresh? Nope. from this afternoon. I asked Gina again "did you or did you NOT make Maya a bowl of cereal? because THIS blue bowl, the ONLY blue bowl in the sink, is from this afternoon, so it could not have been from Maya's cereal. Plus, Maya is a VERY slow eater, so she could NOT have finished a bowl of cereal in the 2 minutes it took for her to come talk with me again."
Gina looked down, and whispered "no mom."
So, I used this as a learning experience for her. I asked her if she was telling me the TRUTH, or telling me a LIE when she told me that she made the bowl? She answered "a lie mommy". I asked her if she told me that she was TELLING the TRUTH "THIS TIME" ... she whispered "yes mommy, I said that" ... So I asked her to count up how many lies she had just been caught saying. She looked down and said "two".
I then asked her how she thinks I can believe her, if she even swears she is telling the truth "this time" when she IS actually telling a LIE. And I told her that until she can PROVE to me that she IS telling the truth more often, then I am going to have an issue believing what she says. And by simply saying "but I AM telling the TRUTH this time" isnt going to work, because she says that even when she is NOT.
If she wants me to believe her, then she NEEDS to tell the truth. when she IS telling the truth, most of the time I WILL know.
Ahh the joys of parenting.
I have mentioned quite a few times that she needs to tell the truth more often, for us to believe her more often. And when I catch her in a lie, she sobs, "how come NO one EVER believes me, even when I TRY to tell the truth!"
Well, I was able to give her a great, BIG example tonight.
While I was helping Chris with his homework, I asked Gina to pour a bowl of cereal for Maya. A few minutes later, Maya came into the room and said that Gina still had not poured the bowl. I asked Gina and she said "Yes, I made her the cereal in the BLUE bowl that is in the sink! she already ate it all!" (which by the way, could NOT have happened because Maya happens to be one of the slowest eaters ever LOL) ... Maya shook her head and said "no mommy, she did NOT give me cereal." Gina yet again said "YES, I DID Maya!"
I looked at Gina, and asked her flat out, "did you, or did you NOT make a bowl of cereal for Maya?" she looked at me and said "but mommy, why dont you believe me?!?! Im telling the truth all the time now!"
I went to the sink, and yes, there IS a blue bowl there ... was it fresh? Nope. from this afternoon. I asked Gina again "did you or did you NOT make Maya a bowl of cereal? because THIS blue bowl, the ONLY blue bowl in the sink, is from this afternoon, so it could not have been from Maya's cereal. Plus, Maya is a VERY slow eater, so she could NOT have finished a bowl of cereal in the 2 minutes it took for her to come talk with me again."
Gina looked down, and whispered "no mom."
So, I used this as a learning experience for her. I asked her if she was telling me the TRUTH, or telling me a LIE when she told me that she made the bowl? She answered "a lie mommy". I asked her if she told me that she was TELLING the TRUTH "THIS TIME" ... she whispered "yes mommy, I said that" ... So I asked her to count up how many lies she had just been caught saying. She looked down and said "two".
I then asked her how she thinks I can believe her, if she even swears she is telling the truth "this time" when she IS actually telling a LIE. And I told her that until she can PROVE to me that she IS telling the truth more often, then I am going to have an issue believing what she says. And by simply saying "but I AM telling the TRUTH this time" isnt going to work, because she says that even when she is NOT.
If she wants me to believe her, then she NEEDS to tell the truth. when she IS telling the truth, most of the time I WILL know.
Ahh the joys of parenting.
5.1.11
rainbows
ok . . . rainbows are interesting things. you cant see them if its simply pouring down rain. you cant see them when it is purely sunny. You can only see them when there is a combination. When there is water and light combined.
But, you can never CATCH a rainbow. Try as you might .. if you see a rainbow, and try and walk closer to it, you will NEVER get closer.
There are times when I want so badly simply to reach out and grab that colorful beautiful peaceful looking rainbow, and keep it all for myself. I can imagine the warmth of it .. the brightness of it .. the beauty of the shimmering colors even brighter as they are CLOSER ... but try and try ... it'll never happen.
BUT ... when I am having one of those "bla" days (which, sadly, has been a few too often lately .. but eh, thats life!) ... I can try and look for "MY" rainbow. If my day is 'cloudy' and feels like rain ... I have to be the one to look for the sunlight to be able to find my rainbow. I have to admit, there are times when it really is hard to find that rainbow. sometimes I dont really WANT to find that stupid rainbow, cause then it would mean I would have to find some sort of brightness in the day. sigh.
and again .. BUT ... I guess I should keep on looking ... cause when I DO find that rainbow, I can at least smile. it might not be my BEST smile, but its a smile. and sometimes thats all that counts.
But, you can never CATCH a rainbow. Try as you might .. if you see a rainbow, and try and walk closer to it, you will NEVER get closer.
There are times when I want so badly simply to reach out and grab that colorful beautiful peaceful looking rainbow, and keep it all for myself. I can imagine the warmth of it .. the brightness of it .. the beauty of the shimmering colors even brighter as they are CLOSER ... but try and try ... it'll never happen.
BUT ... when I am having one of those "bla" days (which, sadly, has been a few too often lately .. but eh, thats life!) ... I can try and look for "MY" rainbow. If my day is 'cloudy' and feels like rain ... I have to be the one to look for the sunlight to be able to find my rainbow. I have to admit, there are times when it really is hard to find that rainbow. sometimes I dont really WANT to find that stupid rainbow, cause then it would mean I would have to find some sort of brightness in the day. sigh.
and again .. BUT ... I guess I should keep on looking ... cause when I DO find that rainbow, I can at least smile. it might not be my BEST smile, but its a smile. and sometimes thats all that counts.
4.1.11
Today was one of those days . .
Today was for SURE 'one of THOSE days' ... it started out with Gina not getting ready for school, when she had a LOT of time to do so . . and the getting upset at me because I was NOT happy with her over not being anywhere NEAR ready when it was time to leave for the bus .... (we made it to the stop JUST as the bus arrived!)
Then there were other issues ... bank issues, bill issues, etc.
all in all, it was NOT the best of days. BUT ... it wasnt all bad.
I was able to keep on track with eating, drinking water, and exercising. The exercising actually helped de-stress me. I did half an hour of walking on the treadmill, and 15 minutes of working with my tummy cruncher. I turned on music and enjoyed listening while exercising. Then Tom came home, and we watched shows together. I was able to snuggle with my kids ... and enjoy spending time with my family, at home, just relaxing.
So, it might have been 'one of those days' .. but at the same time, it was a GOOD day .. or rather, EVENING/NIGHT. So, I guess, I really cant complain. I survived ... and am relaxed and OK this evening. :)
So far, for the 2 days I have been doing this second challenge, I have done pretty good. I am on target for all of the tasks, and, Im working on two, not one but TWO new years resolutions. One of them can be done daily, one of them monthly. So, I am going to KEEP them up and I KNOW I am going to do just fine. :)
Then there were other issues ... bank issues, bill issues, etc.
all in all, it was NOT the best of days. BUT ... it wasnt all bad.
I was able to keep on track with eating, drinking water, and exercising. The exercising actually helped de-stress me. I did half an hour of walking on the treadmill, and 15 minutes of working with my tummy cruncher. I turned on music and enjoyed listening while exercising. Then Tom came home, and we watched shows together. I was able to snuggle with my kids ... and enjoy spending time with my family, at home, just relaxing.
So, it might have been 'one of those days' .. but at the same time, it was a GOOD day .. or rather, EVENING/NIGHT. So, I guess, I really cant complain. I survived ... and am relaxed and OK this evening. :)
So far, for the 2 days I have been doing this second challenge, I have done pretty good. I am on target for all of the tasks, and, Im working on two, not one but TWO new years resolutions. One of them can be done daily, one of them monthly. So, I am going to KEEP them up and I KNOW I am going to do just fine. :)
3.1.11
and the new challenge has begun
Welcome to 2011 people! I am sitting here, eating my yummy 4 berry smoothie, while writing in my blog .. and fullfilling TWO of my points at once! hehehe
So, this is a perfect time to begin the second challenge. New years, bring new years resolutions .. and how many of us actually FOLLOW THROUGH with our resolutions each year? Well, I followed through with the first challenge .. lost 30 pounds, and 6 inches off my waist ... and I KNOW it works .. so, this time, I WILL follow through with my new years resolution .. because along with this challenge, we are asked to set a new years resolution, that can NOT be changed ... and we gain an extra point if we follow through with that resolution ... so Im set in stone baby!
This years resolution? keep a CLEANER HOUSE. Will I follow through? YES!
I will be going to the store and do some shopping today, so that I can have a kitchen full of HEALTHY, "challenge approved" food ;) .... and we are ON!
So, this is a perfect time to begin the second challenge. New years, bring new years resolutions .. and how many of us actually FOLLOW THROUGH with our resolutions each year? Well, I followed through with the first challenge .. lost 30 pounds, and 6 inches off my waist ... and I KNOW it works .. so, this time, I WILL follow through with my new years resolution .. because along with this challenge, we are asked to set a new years resolution, that can NOT be changed ... and we gain an extra point if we follow through with that resolution ... so Im set in stone baby!
This years resolution? keep a CLEANER HOUSE. Will I follow through? YES!
I will be going to the store and do some shopping today, so that I can have a kitchen full of HEALTHY, "challenge approved" food ;) .... and we are ON!
4.11.10
Happy birthday Gracie
One year ago today, a beautiful tiny bay girl was born. She was born roughly 2 months early. She was only 3 pounds, 11 ounces at birth. And, sadly, she was born very addicted to cocaine.
She was in the NICU for 14 days. On day 13, I received a phone call, letting me know about her. The next day, I met her case worker at the hospital, and we prepared her to come home. I have never seen a baby so SMALL before! her little fingers, when wrapped around my finger, were impossibly small. But this little tiny baby needed ME.
That afternoon, I brought this tiny 4pound 4 ounce baby home. What a fantastic journey that day began.
In the last year, many things have happened. Gracie is medically fragile. BUT, that does NOT mean that she is anything less than any other one year old baby! She has proved that to us time and again over this last year! She is developmentally delayed, enough so to be a part of DDD (Department of Developmental Disabilities) but, even with her delays, she has learned how to do things ... her OWN way! She is resilient, and awe inspiring!
She has grown a lot in the past year. She went from a teeny little 3 pound 11 ounce baby at birth, to an 18 pound baby at one year! now THAT is what I call growth!
We have our work cut out for us with this little one, that is for SURE. But, I am PROUD to call myself Gracies mommy. We will officially adopt her within the next few months .. and all that will do is make things "legal" ... I have been her mom since she as 14 days old. and will FOREVER be her mom. what a LUCKY MOM I AM!!!!!
We have given Gracie the middle name Anna ... after my sweet grandmother. Grandma passed away earlier this year, and we were able to attend her funeral. I was able to stand at the funeral, holding little Gracie Anna, and tell my extended family how PROUD I AM to have the chance to raise a daughter with my grandma's name. Gracie Anna has some large shoes to fill ... but you know what? Even at one year old, I KNOW that my grandma would be PROUD of her namesake. I know that I am.
That afternoon, I brought this tiny 4pound 4 ounce baby home. What a fantastic journey that day began.
In the last year, many things have happened. Gracie is medically fragile. BUT, that does NOT mean that she is anything less than any other one year old baby! She has proved that to us time and again over this last year! She is developmentally delayed, enough so to be a part of DDD (Department of Developmental Disabilities) but, even with her delays, she has learned how to do things ... her OWN way! She is resilient, and awe inspiring!
She has grown a lot in the past year. She went from a teeny little 3 pound 11 ounce baby at birth, to an 18 pound baby at one year! now THAT is what I call growth!
We have our work cut out for us with this little one, that is for SURE. But, I am PROUD to call myself Gracies mommy. We will officially adopt her within the next few months .. and all that will do is make things "legal" ... I have been her mom since she as 14 days old. and will FOREVER be her mom. what a LUCKY MOM I AM!!!!!
We have given Gracie the middle name Anna ... after my sweet grandmother. Grandma passed away earlier this year, and we were able to attend her funeral. I was able to stand at the funeral, holding little Gracie Anna, and tell my extended family how PROUD I AM to have the chance to raise a daughter with my grandma's name. Gracie Anna has some large shoes to fill ... but you know what? Even at one year old, I KNOW that my grandma would be PROUD of her namesake. I know that I am.
3.11.10
20 pounds lighter
Honestly, at the beginning of the 8 week challenge, I had hoped for a "FEW" pounds to be shed. I didn't think I could "do it" again on my own. Well, I was wrong.
I am now 20 pounds lighter! I feel fantastic. I can now take the jeans I started the challenge with off without even unbuttoning and unzipping them.
I have decided to NOT take a day off (we are allowed one free day a week) when it comes to sugar, aside from the very first week .. and therefore have honestly had NO SUGAR in 4 1/2 weeks! Another thing I did not think I could do. Especially since Halloween was last weekend. I handed out candy, handful after handful, and didnt take one LICK of one! :) YAY ME!
This challenge is the best thing that has happened to me in a long time. And, I have to say, its not only been the 'physical' aspect that is great. I have been reading scriptures daily, doing acts of service daily ... writing my thoughts down ... I am all around bettering myself, and it feels fantastic.
I am now 20 pounds lighter! I feel fantastic. I can now take the jeans I started the challenge with off without even unbuttoning and unzipping them.
I have decided to NOT take a day off (we are allowed one free day a week) when it comes to sugar, aside from the very first week .. and therefore have honestly had NO SUGAR in 4 1/2 weeks! Another thing I did not think I could do. Especially since Halloween was last weekend. I handed out candy, handful after handful, and didnt take one LICK of one! :) YAY ME!
This challenge is the best thing that has happened to me in a long time. And, I have to say, its not only been the 'physical' aspect that is great. I have been reading scriptures daily, doing acts of service daily ... writing my thoughts down ... I am all around bettering myself, and it feels fantastic.
20.10.10
Christmas traditions.... then and now.
When I was a child, Christmas EVE was the big day for my family. As evening began, we would all pile up in our Dodge van, and go look at Christmas lights, and look for Rudolph's nose. But, at the last moment, Daddy would have to stay behind. I remember being sad that Daddy always had to miss the lights! LOL.
We would drive around town, looking at all the light displays. Every once in a while, one of my older siblings would point at a red flashing light in the sky, and tell me that that was Santa and his reindeer! (you gotta love airplanes on Christmas Eve! LOL)
After quite a while, we would finally drive back home. Daddy would meet us at the driveway, and tell us that we JUST MISSED SANTA! He was JUST HERE! He tried to keep Santa a few minutes longer, but, Santa being Santa, had to leave before the kids saw him ;)
We kids would run into the house, and look at the tree in awe! Presents were PILED EVERYWHERE! (remember, Im the youngest of 8, so even if we each only had 2 gifts .. that was a lot of gifts! HAHA!)
Daddy would look at the gifts, and hand them out one at a time, to make sure that each of us had at least one gift in hand before everyone began opening gifts. After what seemed like ages, all of the gifts would be opened, and we were mostly too excited to sleep! But we knew that we already had our gifts, so we didnt have the problem of having to WAIT! lol.
Christmas morning would be spent playing with the gifts that we had opened the night before.
As a child, I didnt think much of the fact that we did our Christmas on Christmas Eve. It was just how things were done at our house and that was that. Later, I learned that it was mostly because Daddy just couldnt wait! LOL.
The first Christmas after Tom and I were married, we spent Christmas with his family. His family lived only 25 miles away from my family at the time, so we were able to go to my parents for Christmas Eve, and enjoy a "normal" Christmas with my family. BUT ... we then went back to his folks house, and for the first time I could honestly remember, I actually had to go to sleep on Christmas Eve, with a hole tree of WRAPPED PRESENTS .. and WAIT till MORNING to open most of my gifts! OMGoodness, I hardly SLEPT that night! Here I was, a few weeks away from being 21, and I was experiencing my first Christmas MORNING Christmas! I felt like a 5 year old child!
I was one of the first to wake in the morning, out of sheer anticipation! Eventually, the household woke up, and we were able to open the gifts. What a fantastic time we had!
Tom and I have chosen to have the tradition of waiting till morning to open our gifts. We open ONE gift on Christmas eve, which tends to be Pajamas. We then make cookies for Santa, wearing our new PJs. We set out a plate with cookies, and a cup of milk. We also make sure to set out a plate with carrots for the reindeer. Then, we all head off to bed, to wait until morning to open our gifts.
Our house does not have a fireplace, and our kids were afraid that Santa could not come to our house due to there not being a chimney for him to come down. SO, we have a magic fire place. We have a Christmas theme fireplace gate that we put up against a wall, with cardboard 'fire' within. We hang our stockings above the magic fireplace, and my kids just KNOW that since Santa is magic, that he can for SURE come here in a magic fireplace! :)
When our children wake in the morning, they wake to find that indeed Santa WAS able to come through the magic fireplace! The stockings are piled FULL, too full to still hang, so they are neatly lined up on the floor against the fireplace. there are piles by the fireplace, one for each family member. Some gifts, ones NOT from Santa, are all wrapped nice and pretty. But, Santa doesnt wrap the gifts that he brings to our family.
The kids are always excited to note that the plate of cookies and plate of carrots are mostly eaten up, with a thank you note from the big guy himself!
This Christmas, we will be going to Tom's parents house. This will be the first time since we became parents that we will be away from home for Christmas. I am so very excited that we will be able to have Christmas with my in-laws! What wonderful memories that will be made! My kids will spend their first Christmas at Grandma and Grandpa B's house! WOW!
I look forward to the opportunity we have to have "Grandparent Christmas" traditions!
We would drive around town, looking at all the light displays. Every once in a while, one of my older siblings would point at a red flashing light in the sky, and tell me that that was Santa and his reindeer! (you gotta love airplanes on Christmas Eve! LOL)
After quite a while, we would finally drive back home. Daddy would meet us at the driveway, and tell us that we JUST MISSED SANTA! He was JUST HERE! He tried to keep Santa a few minutes longer, but, Santa being Santa, had to leave before the kids saw him ;)
We kids would run into the house, and look at the tree in awe! Presents were PILED EVERYWHERE! (remember, Im the youngest of 8, so even if we each only had 2 gifts .. that was a lot of gifts! HAHA!)
Daddy would look at the gifts, and hand them out one at a time, to make sure that each of us had at least one gift in hand before everyone began opening gifts. After what seemed like ages, all of the gifts would be opened, and we were mostly too excited to sleep! But we knew that we already had our gifts, so we didnt have the problem of having to WAIT! lol.
Christmas morning would be spent playing with the gifts that we had opened the night before.
As a child, I didnt think much of the fact that we did our Christmas on Christmas Eve. It was just how things were done at our house and that was that. Later, I learned that it was mostly because Daddy just couldnt wait! LOL.
The first Christmas after Tom and I were married, we spent Christmas with his family. His family lived only 25 miles away from my family at the time, so we were able to go to my parents for Christmas Eve, and enjoy a "normal" Christmas with my family. BUT ... we then went back to his folks house, and for the first time I could honestly remember, I actually had to go to sleep on Christmas Eve, with a hole tree of WRAPPED PRESENTS .. and WAIT till MORNING to open most of my gifts! OMGoodness, I hardly SLEPT that night! Here I was, a few weeks away from being 21, and I was experiencing my first Christmas MORNING Christmas! I felt like a 5 year old child!
I was one of the first to wake in the morning, out of sheer anticipation! Eventually, the household woke up, and we were able to open the gifts. What a fantastic time we had!
Tom and I have chosen to have the tradition of waiting till morning to open our gifts. We open ONE gift on Christmas eve, which tends to be Pajamas. We then make cookies for Santa, wearing our new PJs. We set out a plate with cookies, and a cup of milk. We also make sure to set out a plate with carrots for the reindeer. Then, we all head off to bed, to wait until morning to open our gifts.
Our house does not have a fireplace, and our kids were afraid that Santa could not come to our house due to there not being a chimney for him to come down. SO, we have a magic fire place. We have a Christmas theme fireplace gate that we put up against a wall, with cardboard 'fire' within. We hang our stockings above the magic fireplace, and my kids just KNOW that since Santa is magic, that he can for SURE come here in a magic fireplace! :)
When our children wake in the morning, they wake to find that indeed Santa WAS able to come through the magic fireplace! The stockings are piled FULL, too full to still hang, so they are neatly lined up on the floor against the fireplace. there are piles by the fireplace, one for each family member. Some gifts, ones NOT from Santa, are all wrapped nice and pretty. But, Santa doesnt wrap the gifts that he brings to our family.
The kids are always excited to note that the plate of cookies and plate of carrots are mostly eaten up, with a thank you note from the big guy himself!
This Christmas, we will be going to Tom's parents house. This will be the first time since we became parents that we will be away from home for Christmas. I am so very excited that we will be able to have Christmas with my in-laws! What wonderful memories that will be made! My kids will spend their first Christmas at Grandma and Grandpa B's house! WOW!
I look forward to the opportunity we have to have "Grandparent Christmas" traditions!
19.10.10
Gracie's 24 hour EEG
We went in yesterday to hook Gracie up with all of her wires and goop for her 24 hour EEG. We were given the instructions, the machine, and sent home.
We were told that we needed to push a button on the machine every time we saw Gracie have one of her head tremors, then record the time, and length of the tremor on the record sheet. This way, they could later take all of the information, and note what her readings were when she had the tremors, and determine if they are seizure related or not.
I have seen the tremors daily for the past few months. BUT, I have to admit, I had no clue how OFTEN she has them!! I had to watch her at all waking moments while she was hooked up to the electrodes, so that we could monitor as many tremors as we could, which means I saw A LOT of tremors! holy cow! I had no IDEA that she had so many of these tremors!
Within the first half hour of being home, we pushed the button 8 times. There were many more through the evening, and quite a few of them this morning. When I talked with the EEG tech this afternoon as they were taking the electrodes off, I mentioned that I had probably missed some. He said that they would be able to notice even the ones that I missed, due to the number of tremors they WERE able to record.
We should get a phone call within the next week with the results, so Ill be looking forward to that call.
We were told that we needed to push a button on the machine every time we saw Gracie have one of her head tremors, then record the time, and length of the tremor on the record sheet. This way, they could later take all of the information, and note what her readings were when she had the tremors, and determine if they are seizure related or not.
I have seen the tremors daily for the past few months. BUT, I have to admit, I had no clue how OFTEN she has them!! I had to watch her at all waking moments while she was hooked up to the electrodes, so that we could monitor as many tremors as we could, which means I saw A LOT of tremors! holy cow! I had no IDEA that she had so many of these tremors!
Within the first half hour of being home, we pushed the button 8 times. There were many more through the evening, and quite a few of them this morning. When I talked with the EEG tech this afternoon as they were taking the electrodes off, I mentioned that I had probably missed some. He said that they would be able to notice even the ones that I missed, due to the number of tremors they WERE able to record.
We should get a phone call within the next week with the results, so Ill be looking forward to that call.
16.10.10
Random thoughts
random thoughts are interesting. My kids have come up with some doozies over the years .. randomly coming up and just saying something out of the blue.
Me ... yeah, I guess I have them. My mind is always moving ... I think I used to have 'random thought' moments more often before I had kids ... my mind is always moving, yes, but it tends to be moving in the direction of the kids .. "what should I do to help Gina with this" .. "oh, the babies are so cute when they do ..." .. etc.
I think I was planning on having this be a list of random thoughts, as my post. but, of course, can I come up with any? LOL nope! Im in the middle of a POKE war with a friend of mine on facebook, so I think my mind is just on that. sigh. Oh well, its the thought that counts, he?
Me ... yeah, I guess I have them. My mind is always moving ... I think I used to have 'random thought' moments more often before I had kids ... my mind is always moving, yes, but it tends to be moving in the direction of the kids .. "what should I do to help Gina with this" .. "oh, the babies are so cute when they do ..." .. etc.
I think I was planning on having this be a list of random thoughts, as my post. but, of course, can I come up with any? LOL nope! Im in the middle of a POKE war with a friend of mine on facebook, so I think my mind is just on that. sigh. Oh well, its the thought that counts, he?
15.10.10
holding a sleeping baby ...
As a mom, one of the most beautiful things to do, is to hold a sleeping child.
I remember when we were first getting to know Gina, visiting her at her first foster home, she fell asleep in my arms. I couldn't put her down. I took the opportunity at that time to talk with her foster mom and get to know more information about our new little girl, but as I was talking and listening, I was looking down at my beautiful new daughter, sleeping in my arms for the first time. I was in heaven!
Since then, I have taken the opportunity to hold every one of my children as they were sleeping. I have had 13 children over the years. Holding a sleeping baby is so special. But, I have learned that holding an older child as they sleep, is just as special.
I love knowing that I can comfort them, even in their sleep. I am currently holding little Nik, as he has had a hard time sleeping tonight. He tossed and turned, and moaned while laying in his crib tonight. So, I picked him up, and as I hold him, I can comfort him. Yes, he has still tossed, still tried to turn ... but when the moans begin, I pat him, kiss him, and cuddle with him, and he relaxes again. I have already had to do this a few times while typing this entry.
We are, in a way, at our most vulnerable, while we are asleep. So many things can go through our unconscious mind ... and for a baby, or small child, that can at times be a very frightening thing. And knowing that I can hold, and comfort a child while going through some of those vulnerable sleeping moments, is priceless.
I remember when we were first getting to know Gina, visiting her at her first foster home, she fell asleep in my arms. I couldn't put her down. I took the opportunity at that time to talk with her foster mom and get to know more information about our new little girl, but as I was talking and listening, I was looking down at my beautiful new daughter, sleeping in my arms for the first time. I was in heaven!
Since then, I have taken the opportunity to hold every one of my children as they were sleeping. I have had 13 children over the years. Holding a sleeping baby is so special. But, I have learned that holding an older child as they sleep, is just as special.
I love knowing that I can comfort them, even in their sleep. I am currently holding little Nik, as he has had a hard time sleeping tonight. He tossed and turned, and moaned while laying in his crib tonight. So, I picked him up, and as I hold him, I can comfort him. Yes, he has still tossed, still tried to turn ... but when the moans begin, I pat him, kiss him, and cuddle with him, and he relaxes again. I have already had to do this a few times while typing this entry.
We are, in a way, at our most vulnerable, while we are asleep. So many things can go through our unconscious mind ... and for a baby, or small child, that can at times be a very frightening thing. And knowing that I can hold, and comfort a child while going through some of those vulnerable sleeping moments, is priceless.
14.10.10
One day at a time ...
Ive known that eventually, one of my kids would begin talking and asking about adoption. We have been very open since day one, and its not like its a NEW concept to them. There is a difference though between knowing that they were adopted, and knowing ABOUT adoption.
Gina seems to have decided, for now at least, that its just how it is, and thats that. She knows she is adopted. She knows her birth mom, and birth brothers. And life just goes on.
Chris has decided now, that he is a bit confused about "adoption". Out of the blue today, he just said, in a sad voice, "I wish I wasnt adopted", and ran off. He was then quite agitated, and I knew that in the state of mind he was in, it wasnt going to help to talk about it. All I could do was hug him, and whisper that I love him, and am so very thankful that we have him in our lives. He yelled and screamed (which is something we go through with him once in a while, over whatever he feels is upsetting him at the moment) and one of the things he yelled was "I wish I didnt live her anymore". Again, all I could do was hug him, and whisper how much I loved him, and how happy I am that he DOES live here.
Of course, my heart was BREAKING at the time. Many things kept going through my mind. "am I just not a good mom?" "he's only SIX! What is he going to be like when he is a teenager?" "does he even understand what he is saying?" "could I have done better?" .. etc.
All of a sudden, he calmed down, and changed the subject lickity split. That seemed to be that. I didn't press, and didn't bring it up again. We went on about our daily business like nothing happened .... but it DID happen. it was on my mind all evening.
A few hours later, we were watching a show as a family. Chris decided to leave the room, and we didnt really think anything of it, because he does that. He came in a few moments later, and handed me a note. He had written, all by himself, a letter to me. the gist of the letter, was this: "Mommy, I love you very much and I want to stay here for ever and ever and ever. I am happy I am here".
With tears running down my cheeks, I put the letter down, and grabbed Chris, and gave him a gentle hug. This is a note I will keep forever! So that I can read it often . . especially when he has moments like this afternoon, which I know will happen again in the years to come.
All we can do is take everything one day at a time. I have no idea WHAT is going through my kids' minds, and how and what they actually understand, regarding the way our family is created. But, if I take it one day at a time, I might be able to help them sort through all of the complex emotions that can come along with the word ...... ADOPTION.
Gina seems to have decided, for now at least, that its just how it is, and thats that. She knows she is adopted. She knows her birth mom, and birth brothers. And life just goes on.
Chris has decided now, that he is a bit confused about "adoption". Out of the blue today, he just said, in a sad voice, "I wish I wasnt adopted", and ran off. He was then quite agitated, and I knew that in the state of mind he was in, it wasnt going to help to talk about it. All I could do was hug him, and whisper that I love him, and am so very thankful that we have him in our lives. He yelled and screamed (which is something we go through with him once in a while, over whatever he feels is upsetting him at the moment) and one of the things he yelled was "I wish I didnt live her anymore". Again, all I could do was hug him, and whisper how much I loved him, and how happy I am that he DOES live here.
Of course, my heart was BREAKING at the time. Many things kept going through my mind. "am I just not a good mom?" "he's only SIX! What is he going to be like when he is a teenager?" "does he even understand what he is saying?" "could I have done better?" .. etc.
All of a sudden, he calmed down, and changed the subject lickity split. That seemed to be that. I didn't press, and didn't bring it up again. We went on about our daily business like nothing happened .... but it DID happen. it was on my mind all evening.
A few hours later, we were watching a show as a family. Chris decided to leave the room, and we didnt really think anything of it, because he does that. He came in a few moments later, and handed me a note. He had written, all by himself, a letter to me. the gist of the letter, was this: "Mommy, I love you very much and I want to stay here for ever and ever and ever. I am happy I am here".
With tears running down my cheeks, I put the letter down, and grabbed Chris, and gave him a gentle hug. This is a note I will keep forever! So that I can read it often . . especially when he has moments like this afternoon, which I know will happen again in the years to come.
All we can do is take everything one day at a time. I have no idea WHAT is going through my kids' minds, and how and what they actually understand, regarding the way our family is created. But, if I take it one day at a time, I might be able to help them sort through all of the complex emotions that can come along with the word ...... ADOPTION.
13.10.10
fluff post lol
For the challenge, I am supposed to write in my blog/journal every day. Well, I dont always have ideas. I cant do deep posts EVERY day ... I would run out of deepness within a week.
So, Ill quickly write about the week. There is no school this week for my kids, so we have had a blast. I took them to the Zoo on Monday, the Desert Museum on Tuesday, and the Mall today. (to play in the play area) Tomorrow we have plans to go to an indoor swimming pool, and on Friday we are going to a friends house. FILLED week, yet, Im also making sure there are hours of down time at home. The kids have had a wonderful week so far, and for that I am grateful.
So, Ill quickly write about the week. There is no school this week for my kids, so we have had a blast. I took them to the Zoo on Monday, the Desert Museum on Tuesday, and the Mall today. (to play in the play area) Tomorrow we have plans to go to an indoor swimming pool, and on Friday we are going to a friends house. FILLED week, yet, Im also making sure there are hours of down time at home. The kids have had a wonderful week so far, and for that I am grateful.
12.10.10
My mom and dad ... my hero's.
I am the youngest of 8 children. I have four brothers, and three sisters. I have been an aunt since I was two years old. My siblings, and nieces and nephews and I, sadly, were not always the most ... pleasant ... people to live with. But, through EVERYTHING that we put my parents through, (and trust me, it was a LOT) my parents stayed by our sides the whole time.
I could go on about the many things that my siblings and I put my parents through. But this is not an entry about us. This is an entry about my mom and dad. Suffice to say, they were put through a lot, and somehow, they made good adults out of all of us. (some may beg to differ ... LOL but alas ...)
From some of my earliest memories, my mom would attend sports events that we, her children, were in. Baseball and soccer were the ones I remember most. Mom went to as many games as she could manage, and somehow, that turned out to be most of them. There were times when we had 4 of us at one time, playing a game of baseball, on different teams. She would make her rounds from diamond to diamond, cheering her kids on! Daddy would attend games as he could, depending on his work schedule. They both supported us 100% with our sports, and we KNEW it.
When I was in grade school, mom wanted to be more involved with the school, so she did a program called F.A.M.E. (Fine Arts Mini Experience). She would go into the different classrooms, and put on a presentation about famous composers, or famous artists from the past. I would ALWAYS look forward to her presentations, because she made them so FUN! I remember learning about Chopin .. the famous composer. She wrote the word "SHOW" under a small picture of a theater she drew, and another she wrote "PAN" under a picture of a frying pan .. so that we could have a better idea of the "american" way of saying his name. Then she played a tape of a few of his most famous songs. I was in 3rd grade, and to this day I remember that. She later became PTA president, and worked very hard to help our school excel in many ways.
Daddy worked full time while I was growing up, and showed such a wonderful example of working hard for his family. His job offered a wonderful vacation package, which allowed him to spend weeks at a time vacationing with his family. He would never just take vacation time to simply sit around the house and take "ME" time. If we were not GOING somewhere, he would join right in with whatever we were doing. There were many summer memories of water fights (usually STARTED by daddy! LOL) that would last for at least an hour (normally, until mom got too fed up and made us stop! HA!). Daddy would hog the hose, and spray us all if we got near and tried to take it from him. If, somehow we succeeded in taking the hose, he would get a bucket and run inside the house and fill it up with the kitchen sink, and run out and dump it on one of us! (THAT would tork mom off LOL)
Mom and dad would take us on fantastic camping vacations. We would pile into the van (yes, most of us 8) and drive around the west coast, camping along the way. We would go to visit family, showing us the importance of always keeping in touch with our family. The vacation memories I have built up with my parents, are priceless.
They loved our friends, and always allowed our home to be a 'hang out' spot. Many of my friends called my parents mom and dad. And I know there are many of my brothers' friends that did the same.
Church was, and still is, of high importance in my parents' lives. Sadly, most of us didnt feel the same while growing up. I know that we could have, and SHOULD have respected their views more while we were living with them, but, sigh, we did not. They DID however plant a seed in our hearts. Some of my siblings and I are now active church goers as adults. I am truly grateful for the foundation they set for me. My faith in God is very strong, and my testimony is unshakable. And I have my mom and dad to thank for this.
I call my mom and dad a few times a day. They are in California, I am in Arizona. My mom laughs sometimes, saying that she talks to ME more than she talks with some of my siblings that live in the same city as them. I can honestly say that my mom and dad are some of the best FRIENDS I have ever had, and ever will have. I know I can tell them anything. They have set an example to me, of what a parent should be. I took them for granted when I was younger, as just about every child does. But, I am so thankful that they were still THERE for me when I needed them. And they are still here for me when I need them now. Even through everything I put them through while growing up (and trust me, as I said above, it WAS a lot!) they have showed me that family comes first, no matter WHAT.
When I grow up, I wanna be just like them. :)
I could go on about the many things that my siblings and I put my parents through. But this is not an entry about us. This is an entry about my mom and dad. Suffice to say, they were put through a lot, and somehow, they made good adults out of all of us. (some may beg to differ ... LOL but alas ...)
From some of my earliest memories, my mom would attend sports events that we, her children, were in. Baseball and soccer were the ones I remember most. Mom went to as many games as she could manage, and somehow, that turned out to be most of them. There were times when we had 4 of us at one time, playing a game of baseball, on different teams. She would make her rounds from diamond to diamond, cheering her kids on! Daddy would attend games as he could, depending on his work schedule. They both supported us 100% with our sports, and we KNEW it.
When I was in grade school, mom wanted to be more involved with the school, so she did a program called F.A.M.E. (Fine Arts Mini Experience). She would go into the different classrooms, and put on a presentation about famous composers, or famous artists from the past. I would ALWAYS look forward to her presentations, because she made them so FUN! I remember learning about Chopin .. the famous composer. She wrote the word "SHOW" under a small picture of a theater she drew, and another she wrote "PAN" under a picture of a frying pan .. so that we could have a better idea of the "american" way of saying his name. Then she played a tape of a few of his most famous songs. I was in 3rd grade, and to this day I remember that. She later became PTA president, and worked very hard to help our school excel in many ways.
Daddy worked full time while I was growing up, and showed such a wonderful example of working hard for his family. His job offered a wonderful vacation package, which allowed him to spend weeks at a time vacationing with his family. He would never just take vacation time to simply sit around the house and take "ME" time. If we were not GOING somewhere, he would join right in with whatever we were doing. There were many summer memories of water fights (usually STARTED by daddy! LOL) that would last for at least an hour (normally, until mom got too fed up and made us stop! HA!). Daddy would hog the hose, and spray us all if we got near and tried to take it from him. If, somehow we succeeded in taking the hose, he would get a bucket and run inside the house and fill it up with the kitchen sink, and run out and dump it on one of us! (THAT would tork mom off LOL)
Mom and dad would take us on fantastic camping vacations. We would pile into the van (yes, most of us 8) and drive around the west coast, camping along the way. We would go to visit family, showing us the importance of always keeping in touch with our family. The vacation memories I have built up with my parents, are priceless.
They loved our friends, and always allowed our home to be a 'hang out' spot. Many of my friends called my parents mom and dad. And I know there are many of my brothers' friends that did the same.
Church was, and still is, of high importance in my parents' lives. Sadly, most of us didnt feel the same while growing up. I know that we could have, and SHOULD have respected their views more while we were living with them, but, sigh, we did not. They DID however plant a seed in our hearts. Some of my siblings and I are now active church goers as adults. I am truly grateful for the foundation they set for me. My faith in God is very strong, and my testimony is unshakable. And I have my mom and dad to thank for this.
I call my mom and dad a few times a day. They are in California, I am in Arizona. My mom laughs sometimes, saying that she talks to ME more than she talks with some of my siblings that live in the same city as them. I can honestly say that my mom and dad are some of the best FRIENDS I have ever had, and ever will have. I know I can tell them anything. They have set an example to me, of what a parent should be. I took them for granted when I was younger, as just about every child does. But, I am so thankful that they were still THERE for me when I needed them. And they are still here for me when I need them now. Even through everything I put them through while growing up (and trust me, as I said above, it WAS a lot!) they have showed me that family comes first, no matter WHAT.
When I grow up, I wanna be just like them. :)
11.10.10
My kids are just like yours....
We have been blessed in that we have not had many issues regarding the adoptions of our children. Both of our families treat our kids like all of the other kids in the family. Our friends have been great as well. So yes, we have truly been blessed. But there have been times when I have been slack jawed by what some people have said.
Over the past 7 1/2 years, we have been blessed to parent 13 little ones. We are foster parents, as well as adoptive parents. Mostly, we are simply PARENTS. We have been blessed to have open adoption relationships with our kids' birth families. Yes, I have said the word 'blessed' quite often so far .. and there is a reason for that. "I" feel we are blessed for these things .. others dont see it that way.
Tom and I are obviously "white". Well, we have always felt that a child is a child, regardless of color or nationality. We have fostered (and we are in the process of adopting) biracial children. We have had some ... INTERESTING comments regarding our kids. for example:
One afternoon I was shopping with my former foster son, who was almost 2 years old at the time. He is AA/Hispanic, but looked full AA. (he was one of the cutest little guys, let me TELL you!!!) He was in the cart as I was pushing, and we were giggling together. One older lady came up to us, and asked, in an annoying (to me LOL) tone, "Wherever did you go and GET HIM!" .. it was very obvious she was meaning "what country did this boy come from" .. I could tell by her tone of voice, and by her manner ... I was shocked, and annoyed ... and actually came up with a GREAT LINE on the spot!! (which NEVER happens, its normally after the fact that I come up with the best lines!) so my response was "Isle 6, they had a special" and I walked off!
I mean, come ON. What if I had been married to a nice handsome black man? Just because a WHITE MOM walks around with a BLACK child, does not always mean she went elsewhere to "GET" her child. Yes, I DO adopt, but give me a break!
I have also had the comment of "how much did it cost?" .. first of all, that comment is wrong on SO many levels. The first thing I noticed was the word "IT" I know they were actually trying to refer to the adoption itself, but that could also be interpreted as them calling my child "IT" big X there, to start. THEN ... ok, my children are priceless. Yes, we do foster to adopt, which actually didnt cost us the 'normal' thousands of dollars that some other forms of adoption cost ... thats not the point. Even for those who do pay adoption fees, they dont pay for the CHILD ... they pay the fees to the attorney, agency, workers, etc. Just as someone who gave birth to their child would pay the hospital and doctor bills.
We specialize in medically fragile, substance exposed babies. What this means is that some of the babies we have had in our home have had prenatal exposure to drugs. Its sad, yes. We dont go spreading that fact around though because its none of the worlds business. Not every baby or child we have parented have been exposed though. I can not stand it though, when people ask "did his/her REAL mom use drugs?" ... ok, first of all, its none of your business. Second of all, "I" am REAL ... and no, I dont/ didnt use drugs... if you were referring to their birth mom .. then thats HER business, NOT YOURS.
I have had people ask "what if their real parents see how cute they are and want them back?" ... again, wrong on many levels ... again with the "real" part ... and, well, MY kids are here with me because for one reason or another, their birth families were unable to do what was needed at the time to get them back. it was NOT because they didnt want them. Far from it. My kids' birth parents love these kids with all their hearts! They were just in a point in their life where they were not ready to parent, for one reason or another. they never thought their kids were "not cute" .. so when they see that they are cute now, it just means they are STILL cute ... and, I know that (sadly) it doesnt matter how much they want them back, my kids can not go back to their birth parents ... cute OR ugly.
And then there is the EVER popular, probably heard by just about EVERY adoptive family ... "now that you have adopted, you will get pregnant and have one of your own!" Ok, FIRST off, yes, there ARE a few families who have been blessed with pregnancy after adoption. Is this the NORM? FAR FROM IT. Adoption is NOT a 'cure all' for infertility. and SECOND ... ahem ... my kids ARE MY OWN!!!!!! So, do you think that if I DID become pregnant and have a bio child, that they would be more MY OWN then the ones I didnt give birth to?
My kids are JUST LIKE YOURS. I may not have given birth to them. Does it mean I love them any less than you love your kids? Nope. Does it mean I paid bookoo bucks to get them? NOPE .. I paid in heartache and years of pacing the floors, years of crying myself to sleep, PRAYING I would finally be a mom. There IS a difference though .... my kids each have TWO moms and TWO dads that love them. We are the mom and dad who live with them and take daily care of them ..their forever mom and dad. They also have a birth mom and a birth dad, who love them and pray for them as well. How lucky are my kids? VERY! BUT .. how lucky are Tom and I? Words can not describe how lucky we feel to have our kids.
So people ... I know that some of you are simply curious, most have only the best intentions ... but please, do me a favor? THINK before you SPEAK.
Over the past 7 1/2 years, we have been blessed to parent 13 little ones. We are foster parents, as well as adoptive parents. Mostly, we are simply PARENTS. We have been blessed to have open adoption relationships with our kids' birth families. Yes, I have said the word 'blessed' quite often so far .. and there is a reason for that. "I" feel we are blessed for these things .. others dont see it that way.
Tom and I are obviously "white". Well, we have always felt that a child is a child, regardless of color or nationality. We have fostered (and we are in the process of adopting) biracial children. We have had some ... INTERESTING comments regarding our kids. for example:
One afternoon I was shopping with my former foster son, who was almost 2 years old at the time. He is AA/Hispanic, but looked full AA. (he was one of the cutest little guys, let me TELL you!!!) He was in the cart as I was pushing, and we were giggling together. One older lady came up to us, and asked, in an annoying (to me LOL) tone, "Wherever did you go and GET HIM!" .. it was very obvious she was meaning "what country did this boy come from" .. I could tell by her tone of voice, and by her manner ... I was shocked, and annoyed ... and actually came up with a GREAT LINE on the spot!! (which NEVER happens, its normally after the fact that I come up with the best lines!) so my response was "Isle 6, they had a special" and I walked off!
I mean, come ON. What if I had been married to a nice handsome black man? Just because a WHITE MOM walks around with a BLACK child, does not always mean she went elsewhere to "GET" her child. Yes, I DO adopt, but give me a break!
I have also had the comment of "how much did it cost?" .. first of all, that comment is wrong on SO many levels. The first thing I noticed was the word "IT" I know they were actually trying to refer to the adoption itself, but that could also be interpreted as them calling my child "IT" big X there, to start. THEN ... ok, my children are priceless. Yes, we do foster to adopt, which actually didnt cost us the 'normal' thousands of dollars that some other forms of adoption cost ... thats not the point. Even for those who do pay adoption fees, they dont pay for the CHILD ... they pay the fees to the attorney, agency, workers, etc. Just as someone who gave birth to their child would pay the hospital and doctor bills.
We specialize in medically fragile, substance exposed babies. What this means is that some of the babies we have had in our home have had prenatal exposure to drugs. Its sad, yes. We dont go spreading that fact around though because its none of the worlds business. Not every baby or child we have parented have been exposed though. I can not stand it though, when people ask "did his/her REAL mom use drugs?" ... ok, first of all, its none of your business. Second of all, "I" am REAL ... and no, I dont/ didnt use drugs... if you were referring to their birth mom .. then thats HER business, NOT YOURS.
I have had people ask "what if their real parents see how cute they are and want them back?" ... again, wrong on many levels ... again with the "real" part ... and, well, MY kids are here with me because for one reason or another, their birth families were unable to do what was needed at the time to get them back. it was NOT because they didnt want them. Far from it. My kids' birth parents love these kids with all their hearts! They were just in a point in their life where they were not ready to parent, for one reason or another. they never thought their kids were "not cute" .. so when they see that they are cute now, it just means they are STILL cute ... and, I know that (sadly) it doesnt matter how much they want them back, my kids can not go back to their birth parents ... cute OR ugly.
And then there is the EVER popular, probably heard by just about EVERY adoptive family ... "now that you have adopted, you will get pregnant and have one of your own!" Ok, FIRST off, yes, there ARE a few families who have been blessed with pregnancy after adoption. Is this the NORM? FAR FROM IT. Adoption is NOT a 'cure all' for infertility. and SECOND ... ahem ... my kids ARE MY OWN!!!!!! So, do you think that if I DID become pregnant and have a bio child, that they would be more MY OWN then the ones I didnt give birth to?
My kids are JUST LIKE YOURS. I may not have given birth to them. Does it mean I love them any less than you love your kids? Nope. Does it mean I paid bookoo bucks to get them? NOPE .. I paid in heartache and years of pacing the floors, years of crying myself to sleep, PRAYING I would finally be a mom. There IS a difference though .... my kids each have TWO moms and TWO dads that love them. We are the mom and dad who live with them and take daily care of them ..their forever mom and dad. They also have a birth mom and a birth dad, who love them and pray for them as well. How lucky are my kids? VERY! BUT .. how lucky are Tom and I? Words can not describe how lucky we feel to have our kids.
So people ... I know that some of you are simply curious, most have only the best intentions ... but please, do me a favor? THINK before you SPEAK.
10.10.10
Darts, and examples
About 7 months or so ago, I found Gina and Chris playing with a dart ... yes, the real, pointy kind you throw at a dart board. Tom had been given this cheezy dart board for Christmas a few years ago, and the kids found one of the darts. I was busy, and didnt have a lot of time, but I didnt want them to continue to play with the dart, so I took it out of their hands, and tossed it at the wall above the refrigerator. I figured, this way, its up, WAY out of their reach, and it will be out of mind.
Fast forward to tonight, 5 minutes ago. Tom learned that Gina and Chris had found FOUR more darts (where these were hidden, I have no clue, because I sure as heck had no idea where this dart game was put!) ... and what were they doing? Throwing them at the wall .. because thats what MOMMY does with them!!!
Note to self ... my kids remember EVERYTHING ... and they WILL try and repeat what I do in front of them . . . . so watch out!
Fast forward to tonight, 5 minutes ago. Tom learned that Gina and Chris had found FOUR more darts (where these were hidden, I have no clue, because I sure as heck had no idea where this dart game was put!) ... and what were they doing? Throwing them at the wall .. because thats what MOMMY does with them!!!
Note to self ... my kids remember EVERYTHING ... and they WILL try and repeat what I do in front of them . . . . so watch out!
9.10.10
my dream .. to be a mom
I remember being as young as 8 years old, and having dreams at night that I was all grown up, and pregnant. I had dreams like that often. I dont know if that is "NORMAL" for a child that young, but, alas, I had them. I was always happy in my dreams.
When I was a little older, I would 'pretend' at night that I was pregnant ... I would get a small throw pillow, and put it under my shirt and pants, and look in the mirror .... and loved how I looked ...
All I ever wanted was to be a mom.
I am the youngest of 8 children. To me, having a lot of kids was the "norm". My sisters began having kids when I was much younger .. in fact, I was an aunt for the first time when I was 2 years old. I have watched my 3 sisters have their children .. and watched their children grow up, and become moms themselves. 3 of my nieces were moms before me even.
I remember being on the phone with a dear friend a few weeks before Tom and I were married, and telling her, all excited, "There's a chance that this time next year I might already be a MOMMY!!!!"
Well, that time next year came and went, and no, I was not a mommy yet. the FOLLOWING year that time came and went, and still, no. we had begun infertility treatments by that time. I had begun to know what it felt like to cry myself to sleep month after month after month. I learned what it felt like, when I saw a woman pregnant, or holding a baby, and all I wanted to do was run away.
I also learned that there werent many people who "understood". "Oh, it'll happen! dont worry!" ... "Stop TRYING and next thing you know you will be pregnant" .. "Stop stressing over it .. " ... "so, you dont WANT kids?" .... "oh, you're young, you have PLENTY of years to wait!" ... those were only a few of the lines that I received. (oh, and then there are the lines Ive been getting since the adoptions!!! now THOSE are interesting ones, let me TELL you!)
I KNEW in my heart I was going to be a mom .. I KNEW it. But, nothing was happening. We went to infertility specialists, did treatments, and had a few 'successes' .. but, they turned into miscarriages. Over the years I have had at least 11 miscarriages. We did IVF twice (one fresh one frozen) ... and nothing.
The emotions were finally beyond anything I could take any longer. And, to top it off, when we found out our last IVF had failed, Tom learned that he was being laid off from his job at IBM. Which meant, in my eyes, I would never be a mom ... how could we afford treatments? we couldnt even afford adoption with no JOB!!!!!
But, I somehow learned about foster to adopt. it scared the daylights out of me, let me tell you. How could I allow them to place a baby in my arms, knowing there was a chance that they would come back and take them away from me?!?!?! BUT .. how could I NOT allow them to even TRY to place a baby in my arms, even for a short period of time, allowing me a chance to try on that odd, distant, impossible name, "MOMMY"? So we went for it, and began the process to become foster parents, in the hopes of adopting.
The process took a lot longer than we had expected. One of the things we needed done was a home inspection, which we were told we would get within 3 weeks after the paperwork was turned in . . . well, 3 weeks came and gone ... 6 weeks, came and gone ... 10 weeks, came and gone .. by that time I was a sobbing wreck. I remember calling my mom one evening in tears, saying "I could have been LICENSED WEEKS ago .. who knows, I might have been missing the opportunity for babies already!!!! WHY ME!?!?!?!" ... she of course, did the best she could and tried to comfort me as best she could. I love my mother dearly, but at the time all I felt was "she had 8 children, what does SHE know about what Im going through!" ... but, I pressed on, as she suggested .. what else was I to do?
Finally, EVERYTHING was simply waiting on that home inspection ... and after 13 weeks of waiting, I had someone come to the house and inspect. He was at the house all of FIVE MINUTES!!!!!! He called my info in, and the very next day, February 28, we were OFFICIALLY licensed foster parents!!!!!!
After that, I waited by the phone on pins and needles! every time the phone rang, my heart skipped a beat .. wondering if it was going to be "THE" call! Thankfully, I didnt have to wait long, because on March 11, 2003, I left in the morning to drive Tom to work .. and while I was gone, a phone call came, at our HOUSE! And yes, I wasnt HOME to get it!!!! Thank goodness for answering machines!! LOL
We learned about our beautiful little girl, Gina, on her 6 month birthday. We were told on the machine that there was a pretty, dark haired baby girl, with teeny tiny little feet, and her name was Virginia. If we were interested in learning more about it, please call back. well, of COURSE we called ... we learned more about her .. and brought her home on March 21, 2003. And that began my roll as the most wonderful person in the world ... MOMMY.
I have now been a mom for 7 1/2 years ... over that time I have been mommy to 13 little ones, 5 of whom are with us now. It has always broken my heart to see one go, but my first 2, Gina and Christopher, are here forever ... and when one of our little ones left, I ALWAYS had my forever ones to hug and squeeze .. I will NEVER be without my children again. I will forever be MOM. Gina and Chris's adoptions are final, Gracie will be final within the next couple months (we go from the foster agency to the adoption agency with her next month!!!) Maya will be within the next few months (there are a few more T's to cross and I's to dot .. but she WILL be here forever as well) .. and Nik is looking VERY much like he will be forever here as well.
I began at a very early age, wanting to be a mommy. It didnt turn out how I had originally thought it would, but you know what? As hard as it has been .. I wouldnt change it for the world. My children are the best things that have ever happened to Tom and I. I LOVE seeing my husband as the father he has become. And I LOVE the person that my children have turned me into.
Things dont always turn out how you want ... but always remember ... if you have a dream ... make it happen .. even if it does NOT happen how you originally dreamed it. :)
When I was a little older, I would 'pretend' at night that I was pregnant ... I would get a small throw pillow, and put it under my shirt and pants, and look in the mirror .... and loved how I looked ...
All I ever wanted was to be a mom.
I am the youngest of 8 children. To me, having a lot of kids was the "norm". My sisters began having kids when I was much younger .. in fact, I was an aunt for the first time when I was 2 years old. I have watched my 3 sisters have their children .. and watched their children grow up, and become moms themselves. 3 of my nieces were moms before me even.
I remember being on the phone with a dear friend a few weeks before Tom and I were married, and telling her, all excited, "There's a chance that this time next year I might already be a MOMMY!!!!"
Well, that time next year came and went, and no, I was not a mommy yet. the FOLLOWING year that time came and went, and still, no. we had begun infertility treatments by that time. I had begun to know what it felt like to cry myself to sleep month after month after month. I learned what it felt like, when I saw a woman pregnant, or holding a baby, and all I wanted to do was run away.
I also learned that there werent many people who "understood". "Oh, it'll happen! dont worry!" ... "Stop TRYING and next thing you know you will be pregnant" .. "Stop stressing over it .. " ... "so, you dont WANT kids?" .... "oh, you're young, you have PLENTY of years to wait!" ... those were only a few of the lines that I received. (oh, and then there are the lines Ive been getting since the adoptions!!! now THOSE are interesting ones, let me TELL you!)
I KNEW in my heart I was going to be a mom .. I KNEW it. But, nothing was happening. We went to infertility specialists, did treatments, and had a few 'successes' .. but, they turned into miscarriages. Over the years I have had at least 11 miscarriages. We did IVF twice (one fresh one frozen) ... and nothing.
The emotions were finally beyond anything I could take any longer. And, to top it off, when we found out our last IVF had failed, Tom learned that he was being laid off from his job at IBM. Which meant, in my eyes, I would never be a mom ... how could we afford treatments? we couldnt even afford adoption with no JOB!!!!!
But, I somehow learned about foster to adopt. it scared the daylights out of me, let me tell you. How could I allow them to place a baby in my arms, knowing there was a chance that they would come back and take them away from me?!?!?! BUT .. how could I NOT allow them to even TRY to place a baby in my arms, even for a short period of time, allowing me a chance to try on that odd, distant, impossible name, "MOMMY"? So we went for it, and began the process to become foster parents, in the hopes of adopting.
The process took a lot longer than we had expected. One of the things we needed done was a home inspection, which we were told we would get within 3 weeks after the paperwork was turned in . . . well, 3 weeks came and gone ... 6 weeks, came and gone ... 10 weeks, came and gone .. by that time I was a sobbing wreck. I remember calling my mom one evening in tears, saying "I could have been LICENSED WEEKS ago .. who knows, I might have been missing the opportunity for babies already!!!! WHY ME!?!?!?!" ... she of course, did the best she could and tried to comfort me as best she could. I love my mother dearly, but at the time all I felt was "she had 8 children, what does SHE know about what Im going through!" ... but, I pressed on, as she suggested .. what else was I to do?
Finally, EVERYTHING was simply waiting on that home inspection ... and after 13 weeks of waiting, I had someone come to the house and inspect. He was at the house all of FIVE MINUTES!!!!!! He called my info in, and the very next day, February 28, we were OFFICIALLY licensed foster parents!!!!!!
After that, I waited by the phone on pins and needles! every time the phone rang, my heart skipped a beat .. wondering if it was going to be "THE" call! Thankfully, I didnt have to wait long, because on March 11, 2003, I left in the morning to drive Tom to work .. and while I was gone, a phone call came, at our HOUSE! And yes, I wasnt HOME to get it!!!! Thank goodness for answering machines!! LOL
We learned about our beautiful little girl, Gina, on her 6 month birthday. We were told on the machine that there was a pretty, dark haired baby girl, with teeny tiny little feet, and her name was Virginia. If we were interested in learning more about it, please call back. well, of COURSE we called ... we learned more about her .. and brought her home on March 21, 2003. And that began my roll as the most wonderful person in the world ... MOMMY.
I have now been a mom for 7 1/2 years ... over that time I have been mommy to 13 little ones, 5 of whom are with us now. It has always broken my heart to see one go, but my first 2, Gina and Christopher, are here forever ... and when one of our little ones left, I ALWAYS had my forever ones to hug and squeeze .. I will NEVER be without my children again. I will forever be MOM. Gina and Chris's adoptions are final, Gracie will be final within the next couple months (we go from the foster agency to the adoption agency with her next month!!!) Maya will be within the next few months (there are a few more T's to cross and I's to dot .. but she WILL be here forever as well) .. and Nik is looking VERY much like he will be forever here as well.
I began at a very early age, wanting to be a mommy. It didnt turn out how I had originally thought it would, but you know what? As hard as it has been .. I wouldnt change it for the world. My children are the best things that have ever happened to Tom and I. I LOVE seeing my husband as the father he has become. And I LOVE the person that my children have turned me into.
Things dont always turn out how you want ... but always remember ... if you have a dream ... make it happen .. even if it does NOT happen how you originally dreamed it. :)
8.10.10
Sore muscles ... wow ..
Well, Im not pushing myself, yet, I AM pushing myself when it comes to the exercise. I am NOT going over my personal limit .. like say, RUNNING ... but, I am walking fast on the treadmill. Im walking roughly 3 to 3.5 mph. I am allowing myself breaks every 10 minutes or so, but steady wins the race ....
Ive enjoyed this .. it is becoming easier, and my breaks are needing to be less time.
BUT ... I am sore. my legs and feet are really sore by the end of the day. I have always suffered with RLS (restless leg syndrome) ... and this just makes it all the more apparent.
Does it hurt? to a degree, yes. am I complaining about it? no. is it going to get better? yes. when? I DONT KNOW but I sure hope its SOON! LOL
Oh, yeah, my arms are sore too, because I have 10 lb weights Ive been slowly working with as Im sitting down reading, as well as one of those as seen on TV arm shakers. . . which honestly gives the arms a great work out.
Ive enjoyed this .. it is becoming easier, and my breaks are needing to be less time.
BUT ... I am sore. my legs and feet are really sore by the end of the day. I have always suffered with RLS (restless leg syndrome) ... and this just makes it all the more apparent.
Does it hurt? to a degree, yes. am I complaining about it? no. is it going to get better? yes. when? I DONT KNOW but I sure hope its SOON! LOL
Oh, yeah, my arms are sore too, because I have 10 lb weights Ive been slowly working with as Im sitting down reading, as well as one of those as seen on TV arm shakers. . . which honestly gives the arms a great work out.
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